I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
