I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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