Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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