I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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