I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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