I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
