I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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