The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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