Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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