that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
