my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
