I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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