ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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