I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
