mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I believe in your delicious
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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