So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
