I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
