I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
