porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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