Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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