I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
