I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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