All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
