I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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