Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
