We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
