I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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