ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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