dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
