arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
