yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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