That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
