I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
