She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
