Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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