he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
