i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
