So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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