That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
