I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
