I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
