I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
