Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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