Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Me too!
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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