Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
