OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
