About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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