At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
