I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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