what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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