how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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