tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
