Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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