I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
