we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
