I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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