i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
