best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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