His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
