my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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