The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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