Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
