Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My legs feel like baby dolphins
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
