He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
