I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize