____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
