No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
