You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
