we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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