My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
