fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
