addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
