so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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