i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
that's an acceptable place to lick
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
